you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
