I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
