everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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