I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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