What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
