Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
please come you make the beer taste better
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
