just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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