I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
