Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
