You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
