just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
