pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis