I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
