Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.

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  (970): Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin. (970): Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right. http://tfl.nu/uxeh
  Replies (18) Good night (1134) Bad night (1692)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.

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  (516): Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city. http://tfl.nu/k96c
  Replies (14) Good night (1285) Bad night (607)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm at derby!

  (847): View more from Illinois

  The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.

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  (847): I'm at derby! (847): The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time. http://tfl.nu/hrlc
  Replies (9) Good night (1425) Bad night (522)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.

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  (505): My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though. http://tfl.nu/1gr0
  Replies (5) Good night (2490) Bad night (522)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!

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  (734): SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO! http://tfl.nu/43s5
  Replies (100) Good night (1056) Bad night (22474)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking

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  (281): If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking http://tfl.nu/5ejk
  Replies (24) Good night (3882) Bad night (747)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.

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  (602): you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer. http://tfl.nu/7uxe
  Replies (16) Good night (6132) Bad night (554)
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  (845): View more from New York

  she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.

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  (845): she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there. http://tfl.nu/dzx0
  Replies (3) Good night (2642) Bad night (770)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.

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  (720): I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony. http://tfl.nu/wqpi
  Replies (15) Good night (2395) Bad night (966)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.

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  (518): I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face. http://tfl.nu/ha5i
  Replies (4) Good night (1010) Bad night (481)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.

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  (352): Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind. http://tfl.nu/tjuj
  Replies (4) Good night (1817) Bad night (501)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point

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  (205): I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point http://tfl.nu/73b4
  Replies (15) Good night (678) Bad night (2272)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation

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  (303): I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation http://tfl.nu/r6lh
  Replies (1) Good night (965) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.

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  (248): Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels. http://tfl.nu/9jex
  Replies (4) Good night (1328) Bad night (354)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter

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  (305): to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter http://tfl.nu/2ljl
  Replies (5) Good night (557) Bad night (258)

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