so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.