There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife