the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
