Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
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fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
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You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall