now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant