Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa