is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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