We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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