Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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