3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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