highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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