you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
