I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
