I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
