Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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