If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
