I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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