she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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