We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
