Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
