Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
