mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
