gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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