The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
