did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
