And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
