I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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