Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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