you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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