1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
