Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
