If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I AM VODKA MAN
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
