so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
