tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
