Are we in a gay sports bar?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
