I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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