My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
