The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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