Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So much Jack, so little girl.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
