:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
