Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
