just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
