I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
