dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
