I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
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Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize