He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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