yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just threw up on my dentist
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
