Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So here I am, sexting at work.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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