we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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