Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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