Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
