butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Come see our sink grown plant.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
