i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
