I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
