And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
