pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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