hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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