I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
