using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize