I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
