I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
