and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
