Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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