You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
