I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
