FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
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I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
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Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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