I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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